The Body Hunter by Najat El Hachmi

Author:Najat El Hachmi
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Profile Books
Published: 2011-01-15T00:00:00+00:00

Saturday

By now the writer was used to her weekly presence. He’d miss her if she didn’t come, although that might seem a slight exaggeration. Didn’t I say we needed each other, that it was mutual? Yes, you could have quietly got on with your life if I had suddenly stopped cleaning your flat, but I doubt I’d ever have saved myself from myself if I hadn’t continued my visits. In any case, for some strange reason a terrible fear gripped me when I was near your house and I bawled to high heaven inside my head I don’t want to go. The writer tolerates her silences and clatter in the kitchen, her heavy breathing that is now part of his everyday life. Today she arrives late all hot and bothered and says I’m sorry I’m so late and hangs up her bag and coat and gathers up her hair, gripping a clip between her teeth and says she overslept. The writer says fine, not to worry, but she’s already in the gallery looking for her tools, he can hear her and finds her reassuring.

She runs a micro-fibre cloth over the kitchen doors that seems to leave circles but disappear straight away. Because micro-fibre is the best thing going and she knows exactly how quickly she needs to wipe the cloth, the secret is not to dally too long. The writer leaves her a cup of steaming coffee on the side and she says thank you. I really am very sorry, it won’t happen again, I promise. Don’t worry, you were only ten minutes late. I know, but I don’t like to be silly over work, these things are sacred and I don’t want to be late again, it’s not me. That’s a promise. What do you mean by it’s not me? I’m never late. I never oversleep. That’s sacred. But I’ve been sleeping very badly the last few days. I’ve not been sleeping at all, in fact. Well, perhaps there’s no need to be so severe with yourself. In this case, I should be. And are you as severe with everyone? She turns round holding the cloth she’d like to wring out between her fingers and sees he’s analyzing her once again. You’re very clever, aren’t you? You like playing at being a psychologist? Well, no, I’m not like that with other people, but I am different. What do you mean by different? Are you so perfect you never arrive late? Do you never make mistakes? You know… forgive me for saying this, but you are pissing way off target. Just think for a moment how I’ve only got myself, if I fuck up, I fuck up and there’s nobody to come to my rescue. Can you understand now?

And you, sir, have you finished that book? He shakes his head but she’d already anticipated what his reply would be because she always asks the same question. She just can’t fathom how he spends the whole day shut up at home and never finishes anything.

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